


1234 (tell me that you love me more)

by penlex



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Asexuality, Bisexuality, Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, F/M, First Time, Flashbacks, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Marking, Pillow Talk, Romance, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 20:03:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18924082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penlex/pseuds/penlex
Summary: 2 first times Yuuri had without Victor + 3 first times he had with Victorcontaining: Yuuri, who is shy and bisexual and not a virgin. Victor, who always wants to exceed expectations, even when there are none. Yuuko, who is just curious. Victor, who is the gayest and most romantic man alive. Phichit, who likes to do his friends favors. And Victor again, who will look very good in white.





	1234 (tell me that you love me more)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WritesOnCoffee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritesOnCoffee/gifts).



> title from 1234 by Feist

**ᴠɪᴄᴛᴏʀ.**

" _Yuuri~_ ," Victor sighs blissfully, flopping down face first into the plush hotel pillow underneath him, utterly boneless but somehow still graceful. The humidity of their quickly drying sweat has made his hair curl just a little and Yuuri is unbearably charmed by the shape of it where it falls over Victor's pink nose, flushed still from afterglow. "That was so good! I feel like I should start smoking so that I can have one right now like in movies."

Yuuri huffs out a smitten, breathless laugh. His eyes are warm and he can feel that the smile he wears is tender and soft, and very in love. Just like he is.

"Yeah?" he asks, still a little bashful even as he is lying sweaty and naked half across Victor's back, after he and Victor have finally just, ah, consummated their relationship. Yuuri's silver medal is getting engraved with his name right now, proving that he can command the power of eros, but sometimes it's still hard to think of himself as sexy.

"Yes!" Victor assures, grinning and genuine and enthusiastic as always, his beautiful eyes glowing with their typical earnestness. He blinks and his grin melts away, though his eyes stay just the same. "It was good for you too, yes?"

Yuuri laughs again, less breathless but just as smitten. He takes note of his own bonelessness, also face down where he fell on the pillow. He is too happy, in his heart and in his body, and he thinks he might never move again. His limbs feel heavy and warm, humming gently with echoes of pleasure and a good kind of muscle soreness from the practical demonstration of eros. His mind is quiet, and he feels strong and restful. His hair, slightly damp, is tickling his ear and with his glasses off his vision is blurry, but even those things which would usually be annoyances only seem to add to the mood.

"The best," he tells Victor honestly. But Victor's serious look doesn't disappear like it should.

"It was not really your first time, was it?" he asks, his tone and his clear blue eyes indecipherable. Yuuri's afterglow feeling doesn't vanish from him all at once but it does begin to creep away, his heart getting a little heavier and picking up its beat.

"I know letting you assume is almost like lying…" he starts guiltily.

"No! I understand," Victor interrupts. He picks himself up onto his elbows to push his hair out of his face so he can look even deeper into Yuuri's eyes. "I was so forward! It doesn't really matter anyway, right?" But despite what he says, his mouth is still flat and tight.

"Victor," Yuuri murmurs, sympathetic and apologetic both. He gets his elbows underneath him too, to press their noses together, and then their mouths. He kisses Victor more and more firmly until finally Victor lets himself fall onto the pillow on his back with a giggle. Yuuri giggles back, helpless not to when he hears it, as he pulls away with one more playful peck on Victor's lips.

"You _were_ forward. I was just embarrassed. I will tell you now," he says, but his voice trails off when his eyes get caught on a vibrant love bite low on Victor's neck. Victor notices, and he throws his head back to preen with a lopsided grin.

"...Later," Yuuri corrects himself distractedly, and he seals his mouth back onto that deep red mark, just as determined to make it much darker now as he was hours ago to land all his jumps.

 

**ʏᴜᴜᴋᴏ.**

Yuuri's first and only time with Yuuko also happened to be his first and only first time ever. They were teenagers at the time and Yuuri had thought he might be in love with her, and she was not in love with him. She had confided in him about these sorts of things a lot, and even though he was very embarrassed to talk with her about it considering his own personal circumstances Yuuri had  been glad that he could be there for her.

Yuuko felt like she was struggling with these sorts of things, as it happened. Everyone around her had seemed like they were different from her. They all giggled over each other, or cried, and Yuuko had never understood it. She had told Yuuri quietly where they went together in the locker room of the rink when it had just opened and no one else was there yet, not even Nishigori.

"What is all the fuss?" she had wondered, tightening on her skates with jerky motions, frustrated. Yuuri had wanted to say he didn't know either, but he couldn't lie to his closest (and possibly only) friend.

"Yuuri?" Yuuko had asked when he hadn't responded at all. Usually if he disagreed with her he would say so, even if he stuttered nervously through his whole sentence and had to either start over or miserably say nevermind. Yuuri had concentrated hard on tightening on his own skates, but he couldn't avoid her for long. When he had looked over, he couldn't keep the guilt off his face.

"Oh," Yuuko had said, but Yuuri was relieved to see she hadn't seemed angry or hurt, just thoughtful. She had stayed quiet and pensive like that through their whole practise that day, and for a long time after that. And then one day she'd asked Yuuri hesitantly if he would try to help her understand.

"Don't do it if it will hurt you, though!" she'd added, starting to lose control of her volume in distress. They were on the ice in the middle of a weekend day and people had looked over at her almost shout, but when they saw who it was making the noise they looked away again, used to Yuuri and Yuuko always squealing together over something.

"No, no," Yuuri had assured her quickly. "It will be fine! I think it will be fine. If- if you really want to."

They tried holding hands first, and Yuuko had liked that. She'd jumped up and down, clinging to Yuuri's hand, excitedly telling him how it felt for her.

"It's so comforting!" she'd gushed. "Like the hot springs at your onsen! How does it feel for you?"

"Uh," Yuuri had mumbled. It hadn't felt like that for him, but she'd been so happy about it he was scared to tell her. But he hadn't lied to her yet, so he told her about his butterflies and his soaring heart and the way the heat of her hand in his sometimes made him want her to touch him even more.

"Oh," she'd said again, and again Yuuri had been relieved to see that she wasn't hurt. She'd chewed on her lip a moment, and then wondered cautiously, "Is it okay still if we keep doing it?" Yuuri had thought about it for a long time. He didn't want to trick her, or to break his own heart, so he had wanted to be very sure his answer was right before he gave it.

Eventually he decided yes, they could keep holding hands. And he had still wanted to help Yuuko see if she could understand him and their peers.

Next they tried kissing. They had kissed each other softly on the mouth, moving their lips together until they were wet and tingly. Yuuko had liked that too.

"It feels the same," she'd said, happily. "What about for you?"

"Yeah it's the same as it was for me too, I guess," Yuuri had said slowly. "But… more?" He'd shaken his head, unsure how to explain it. Again, Yuuko had asked if it was okay. Again Yuuri thought about it for a long time, and decided yes.

Next they tried kissing with tongue.

"I don't like that," Yuuko had declared, sitting back from Yuuri firmly with a disconcerted look on her face that Yuuri hated to think he had put there.

"Let's not do that then," he'd said quickly, and even though he had kind of liked it he knew he wouldn't miss it that much when Yuuko had smiled at him like she always had and came back closer to him to wrap their hands together.

Next they tried touching. As in, _touching_. They snuck out of their rooms and met with each other under the moonlight in an alcove on the beach and Yuuko had explored Yuuri's body curiously through his clothes. He hadn't moved, barely dared to breathe properly, just gasping in short pants of breath, trying not to get too caught up in how good it had felt and hoping he wouldn't embarrass himself or make Yuuko uncomfortable.

"What is it like?" she had asked quietly, like her voice would disturb the night air.

"I'm nervous!" Yuuri had blurted out, much louder than her, and yeah it had definitely seemed like the air was disturbed. He had just hoped Yuuko wasn't. She had just giggled and admitted, "Me too."

Eventually, they got to the final base.

After, they had lain side by side in Yuuko's bed, naked and sweaty and older than they were when Yuuri got there less than an hour before, and Yuuko hadn't decided yet how she felt about it. Or at least, if she had she hadn't shared her feelings with Yuuri right away.

(Yuuri hadn't needed to think about it.)

"Yuuri," she'd said eventually. "Don't be hurt, okay?" Yuuri had taken a deep breath.

"Okay," he'd said, "I won't be," and hoped he wasn't making a liar out of himself.

"Okay," Yuuko had said, and she took a deep breath too, as if she was hoping the same thing. "That was okay. I mean, I liked it I guess. It was almost the same as the touching and kissing and holding hands, but I like those better."

"Okay," Yuuri had said, and he hadn't been able to tell if he was a liar or not.

"Yuuri-?" Yuuko had started to ask, but Yuuri could feel his eyes getting too hot and his throat starting to hurt so he had interrupted her while he still could.

"I don't think we can do that again, okay?" he had told Yuuko in a thick voice.

"Okay," Yuuko had whispered back, and they hadn't moved or spoken again until Yuuri's mom called his phone to tell him he was about to miss his curfew.

They had talked about it more later. Yuuri didn't regret what they did, and he was glad to have that with Yuuko once, but he'd realized then that he'd reached a limit where he would get his heart broken if they kept going and they didn't feel the same way for each other.

"I understand," Yuuko had told him with a solemn nod. Her eyes had been shining too brightly. When they spilled over she'd turned her face away to wipe her tears with her hand. Yuuri's eyes had been wet too, and he'd felt like they were saying goodbye to each other somehow. Not a real goodbye, because he had known they would still be best friends, but a little one.

"Is this what a break-up is?" Yuuko had asked through her sniffles, and the somber mood was broken.

"Yeah, I think so," Yuuri had answered with a soft, slightly damp laugh. They had hugged, and then they had skated, and they kept holding hands.

And then, years later, Yuuri was glad to help Yuuko explain it all to Nishigori.

 

**ᴠɪᴄᴛᴏʀ.**

"I've never done that before," Yuuri murmurs into Victor's chest as soon as he catches his breath back. Victor's nipple feels a little weird pressing into the hollow of Yuuri's cheek the way it is, but he's far too content to move for something as trivial as that. Besides, it's awfully convenient for if they decide to go another time.

"Never?" Victor gasps, and if Yuuri didn't know him better he'd think that Victor's surprise was affected - or at least greatly exaggerated. But by now Yuuri knows that Victor is genuinely just that… dynamic. "But you're so good at it!"

Yuuri laughs a little at that, playfully arguing through his grin, "I think you do most of the work, that way."

"No, of course not," Victor says, matter of fact. "We are always equals." Yuuri can almost feel it, little by little, the way he warms up all over from deep in his heart and soul out into his body, like he always does when Victor says something so sweet and romantic without really meaning to. (Victor is still sweet and romantic when he tries to be, but somehow it's not the same.) Yuuri's eyes feel warm and wet with the depth of how in love with Victor he is, and the knowing that Victor loves him that much too, and he doesn't think he'll ever get used to it all the way. It will always be special, the way that Victor always has been and always will be special to Yuuri.

"I strive to be worthy of your confidence," Yuuri whispers, tucking a strand of Victor's silver hair out of his perfect face. It's still slightly damp, kind of sticky, but it's not gross. It's endearing, a reminder of how hard they worked and how much fun they had just to please each other.

Victor brushes his lips across Yuuri's fingertips as they draw away, and whispers back, "I strive to be worthy of your trust," and Yuuri knows that no one will ever have it more.

 

**ᴘʜɪᴄʜɪᴛ.**

Yuuri's first time with another man was with Phichit. It had been sweet, but not romantic. They weren't boyfriends or anything - neither of them had even had a crush on the other. At least, as far as Yuuri had known they hadn't, and Phichit had never said any different.

Phichit had both just turned twenty and met drunk Yuuri for the first time a few weeks before. They had been celebrating Phichit's birthday, and also having one last late night out before finals month began. They had gone to a bar, and that is all Yuuri remembered about it. He hoped Phichit had fun.

"You know," Phichit had begun, oh so casually, over their books as they studied together after the following school day. "I've heard that's something of a bad sign." He wasn't looking at Yuuri but he hadn't seemed upset so Yuuri waited for him to finish without too much worry. "For your personality to change that much when you drink, I mean."

Yuuri could feel his face scrunching up, ugly, with dread and regret, then.

"Did I say something horrible to you?" he had asked, not really wanting to hear the answer but knowing he had to apologize if he wanted to keep Phichit as a friend. They were roommates and rinkmates (and Yuuri would miss him far too much) so Yuuri wouldn't be able to just do them both the mercy of walking away.

"No!" Phichit had assured quickly, finally lifting his head from his books to look at Yuuri with sympathy and… amusement, Yuuri had eventually decided. Yes, Phichit's eyes had been silently laughing at him - kindly! but still definitely laughing at him.

"That was the most fun I think I've ever had in my life!" Phichit had continued, his voice laughing then too, making Yuuri blush to wonder what he had done that was so thrilling. Hopefully he had kept all his clothes on. "But that's what I mean, Yuuri. I think that was the most fun _you've_ ever had too." He had paused in thought, tilting his head like the words he needed would fall into his head. It was adorable, and always had been - one of the little quirks Phichit had that had made him so approachable to Yuuri when they first met.

"You need to relax sometimes, Yuuri," Phichit had finally said, with a decisive nod. "Let yourself off the hook," he'd added, practising the English idiom. Yuuri had run a rough had through his hair, as anxious as always.

"And how do you suggest I do that?" he had asked. Phichit, of course, had tilted his head to the other side and thoughtfully tapped his lip.

Yuuri had figured at the time he should have known better than to ask.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Phichit had taken Yuuri to the spa (nice but not super effective), had tried recreational marijuana with him (significantly less nice and not effective at all and Yuuri is excited to never try it again), had played soothing nature sounds in their room (somewhat annoying but otherwise unremarkable), switched to feel good pop anthems (more of the same), had attempted a citizen's talk therapy session (stressful and embarrassing for them both), and then edging into desperation had bought a pint of fat free ice cream (disgusting).

"I'm out of creative ideas," Phichit had finally admitted with a huge gusty sigh and a put-upon pout. "Maybe you should go the cliche route and just get laid." Yuuri, surrounded by books and papers and emptied paper coffee cups, had been well past embarrassment by then.

"If you know anyone who's interested," he'd muttered, grouchy and distracted. "Let me know." Phichit had laughed gleefully, at Yuuri's tone and at the face he was making.

When he'd finally caught his breath (it had taken him a while because Yuuri had been glaring at him, and that apparently was a funny look too), Phichit had said, "Hey, I'm down if you are." Maybe it had been a joke in his head, but when the words met the air they brought a kind of tension with them. Not quite an expectation, but the sense of waiting, of wondering. Of considering.

"Really?" Yuuri had asked, his voice soft then in deference to the new mood in the room. Phichit had gracelessly shrugged without looking away or getting bashful.

"I did promise to help you find your relaxation," he pointed out cheerfully. "And before we were friends I thought about asking you out. I mean skaters." There he had grinned cheekily. "You know we are all breathtakingly gorgeous." Those had never been words Yuuri would have used to describe himself, but Phichit was earnest and bright-eyed, so casually interested, that it had been easy for once for Yuuri to just take his word for it.

Yuuri had looked down at the old assignments, study materials, spread out over his comforter. He really didn't want to study anymore, or think about the mean professor whose final he had to take that week, and his eyes and neck had been starting to ache, and it had been a very long time since the last time Yuuri had - as Phichit had so eloquently put it - gotten laid.

"Yeah," he'd said with his own shrug, looking back up at his friend across the room. "Yeah, okay. I'm down."

"Sweet!" Phichit had exclaimed, and bounded from his bed to Yuuri's, crushing all of Yuuri's homework underneath him in his eagerness to get their mouths together. He had tasted like hazelnut coffee, and so had Yuuri probably. Yuuri had been anxious and embarrassed at first, like he always is, but soon enough he'd gotten in that strange confident headspace he goes into sometimes, and he'd sucked hickeys all across Phichit's chest, and then held his hips down with firm hands while Yuuri used his mouth on him, and then somehow had the dexterity to fish a condom out of his bedside drawer and put it on one-handed. Phichit had been happy and pretty and every noise he made had been deeply satisfying.

All in all, it was some of the most effective stress relief Yuuri has ever experienced.

 

**ᴠɪᴄᴛᴏʀ.**

The sun wakes Yuuri up, gently brushing over his face from behind the sheer curtains in the window of their fancy hotel room. He sighs, stretches, rolls over onto his back. At his side, adorably scrunched down in the pillows to hide in Yuuri's shadow, Victor is still asleep. His hair is an absolute wreck, and Yuuri is sure his own is too. They really should have showered before falling asleep.

The pinkish orangey early morning light catches on the gold ring around Victor's finger where his hand is curled around a fistful of sheets, casting a buttery yellow reflection on the underside of his chin. Yuuri holds out his own hand and delicately clinks their two rings together. It's still so unbelievable to him, even after everything, that he could be so lucky. He slides his hand along Victor's jaw, brushes some of his hair behind his ear, and then keeps petting through it.

"You're going to be my husband," he whispers, staring in awe at his fiance's perfect face. "I'm going to get to wake up next to you like this forever."

Of course, Yuuri had always dreamed of one day getting married. He had fantasized about the ceremony, the food, the kiss. But always his partner had been somewhat ambiguous. Sometimes a man, sometimes a woman, sometimes androgynous, tall, short, pale, dark, but never any specific person. It had always been some long-distant nebulous What If.

Now it's Victor. Solid and sure.

"I want to wear the white," Victor mumbles, still almost entirely asleep, his voice severely muffled by the fact that he doesn't move even an inch to speak. Yuuri huffs out a quiet, besotted laugh. He snuggles in close to Victor so that their noses are almost touching and closes his eyes.

Yuuri pictures Victor in his mind's eye. It's a bright summer day. It could be Hasetsu or it could be St. Petersburg, or it could be anywhere. What matters is that the sunlight is warm and bright and picks out the highlights in Victor's hair. He could be wearing a white kimono or a white suit, or even a dress if that's what he wants. He's glowing, and he's so happy he's crying, and he's holding flowers, and Yuuri is waiting for him and they can't wait to reach each other.

"You look amazing," Yuuri says, out loud, here and now.

"Yes, I know," Victor says. Yuuri lets out a half-surprised bark of laughter, and then hugs Victor close. Victor giggles at Yuuri's manhandling, squirming as if to escape but careful to keep their faces close to make sure that the opportunity for kissing is still open.

"I'm going to marry you, Victor Nikiforov," Yuuri promises. He can see Victor in the back of his mind, his beautiful perfect face flushed and smeared with cake. "I'm going to beat you in the rink, and then I'm going to marry you."

Both of those things will be another first for Yuuri, but one of them will also be the only. He can almost taste it now, coming just within reach.

He can't wait.


End file.
